“Big Brother” is watching me. Literally… but that’s fine… if I didn’t want my thought’s words, gripes, and negativity read, then I wouldn’t publish them. Recently a question was posed as to why I am so unhappy. I think I am honestly more burnt out than I am unhappy.
As far as my job is concerned, I am still content. You have to understand my job from my view point… My job is vital on my ship. My Chief, my Third classes and I are responsible for the health and well-being of over 370 sailors at any given time. This is a tremendous responsibility. It’s easy to have compassion burn-out as well… especially when you only see some people when they are feeling crappy. I get to see people at their worst on a daily basis…
In addition to normal patient care, there is a metric f-ton of administrative duties that I am responsible for. These duties are extremely difficult to take care of while struggling to stay afloat, especially when my shipmates decide that 2300 (11 PM for you civilian types) is more convenient for them to ask for sick call or medicine than the two hours a day that we allot for sick call. A common question I ask them is: “How long have you been feeling crappy?” When it’s 11PM and they tell me that they have felt crappy ALL DAY LONG, I follow with: “Where were you at sick call?” They usually reply with some sort of mundane excuse as to why they couldn’t come in at 0800 or 1500 (8AM or 3PM) usually it’s something like “I work nights” or “I was on watch.” Mind you, there are no watches onboard that press on through both of my sickcalls, and even the few who work nights can come in at 0800 (which is more like 8PM for the night shift)
Some would consider me insensitive or mean, because a majority of the time, I tell them to come back for sickcall, even if it’s something as simple as them asking for medicine for a sore throat. I’m especially hard on the new crew members… One would argue that since they are new, I should cut them slack… the problem with being too nice to new people is that they start to get into the comfort zone and end up being habitual violators of my office hours… so from the start, I gently remind them that there are sickcall hours available for their use.
Don’t get me wrong; I still like my job. I am more than content with my co-workers and my supervisor; I just desperately need to get as far away from this place as humanly possible. I’ve already lost every ounce of motivation that I once had, and realistically, the only thing that gets me through the day is the knowledge that one day I will get to leave this place and never have to look back. But that day is still so very far away.